Top 20 Funny Facebook Status Updates
86Facebook provides us with the opportunity to be witty as often as we like simply by updating our status message with something funny. But how long have you stared at it wondering what to write? None of us can be funny all the time, so it’s nice to share from others when we’re a little less inspired.
If you’ve ever spent the odd hour or two desperately struggling for ideas, here are a few favourites that you can either use, or might give you ideas to build on. Hope there’s something here that at least raises a smile!
Top 20 Funny Facebook Status Updates
Name… is wondering.... if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Name… is poking my face and wondering what all the fuss is about!
Name… has had amnesia for as long as he can remember.
Name… is wondering where Noah kept the woodpeckers on the ark
Name… is somewhat sceptical you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim.
Name… has CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.
Name… is suffering from amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Name… is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.
Name… has used all his sick days so is going to phone in dead.
Name… dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Name… used to play sports. Then he realised you can buy trophies. Now he's good at everything.
Name… says do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Name… is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
Name… was bringing sexy back, but lost the receipt.
Name… thinks one good thing about Alzheimer's is that you can hide your own Easter eggs!
Name… is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Name… just wants to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!
Name… says practice safe lunch. Use a condiment!
Name… wonders why Noah didn't kill the mosquitoes while there were only two.
Name… was wondering why the Frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit him.
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Thanks Rose, glad you liked em! :)
Haha! So funny... thanks for spending some time to compile these :)
No problem, had a laugh doing it! :)
these are fab, im on facebook but never seen these before, made me giggle. thanks for that :-)
thanks littledevil :)
Hahahaah Ray, I'm so tempted to put some of these on my FB status, however I don't want to plagarise, did you come up with these yourself or did you compile the list?
One or two are my own, but it's mainly just a compilation of some of the best one's I've seen. I'm sure you're fine to use them for your own status. Have fun. :)
These were a fun read. Thanks for posting them. I'd love to know which ones you wrote...
So amusing! great job! :D
Ha ha loved the one, phone in dead! great. Nell
this is funny! awesome
Lol usually mine would be... name... is wondering why hamsters are called hamster since they are not ham?
Hi Ray, LOL... I had to share your hub to my twitter, facebook and other friends. I think it's great to start your day with laughter. Thanks for the great hub!
I lolled...and then used them! Thanks for the great hub and more importantly status updates!
Those are hilarious - love them! Great work.
Some of these are really funny, especially the "laugh out loud" one because I say lol a lot and seldom actually laugh out loud!
This is hilarious! I have to share this with somebody.
they are really funny
these are hilarious thanks I'll try them out and see
lol.. they are really crazy.. enjoyed reading your hub.. great!
I'm a great housekeeper. Everytime I get divorced I keep the house.
Good stuff, really enjoyed this. Thanks K.
This is very original and amusing. Thank you x
Those are great! I especially love the CDO one!!
haha very funny ! good hub :) if u like humour check out my hub on remi gaillard, garunteed a laugh :D
Thanks, gonna use a couple.
Great laughs...thanks so much for posting this.
Haha this is funny! I liked the Cinderella one, great hub! :-)
Hilarious! Did you come up with these? :D
... now I have an idea on my next status! hahhahaha! thank you Sir for making me smile and laugh out of these humurous status! :)
Ha Ha Ha. Great hub
Hahahe really lovely one...
these are hilarious thanks I'll try them out and see
"The truly great thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and completely make up the source." - Thomas Jefferson
That was a lot of fun! Thanks!
LOL! Great hub! And yes, this time I actually laughed out loud reading it :) They're all great!
These are awesome!
That's a nice collection of funny updates you got there, good job.
lolnow i'm really laughing as loud as i claim.
This is great! thanks for putting them here... im been in fb for so long that 5 minutes ago i was about to write "going to take a shower then come back" when i realized that fb is not my fuckin mother! and then i found this page... u made me laugh lol thanks for the ideas! keep doing it and u'll be the reason why i still have facabook. :)
Might have to steal a couple of those :)
wow!!!! good ones
Ha Ha, really funny! I love reading these, and my son is on facebook, so I am sure he is as bad as some of these. thanks for the laugh. cheers Nell
Very funny indeed, it was a pleasure reading :). I have some jokes at one of my hubs, if you want I can pay back the laugh :))
like it! x
hahaha this is great!
Haha :) I like the woodpecker one and the hiding your own easter eggs.
-Havealaughortwo.com
u rOck bro :)
great!
these r hilarious!! great work! :)
i superlike it Name… is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
funny hub...all I can say is LOL!!
you must be taller then danny devito to ride this ride!
its nice...lolz
there some funny ones
is gonna go to a psychiatrists office, sit in the waiting room and just stare at people..
Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...
The smoke alarm just went off....dinners ready!
Thinks that if I was a zookeeper, I wouldn't even bother putting anything in the chameleon exhibit.
We have so much in common. You want to travel . . . I want you to go . . .
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days
is cle'a]ni.ng he's ke]yb29oa;rd
thinks that, if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation. Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us
thinks that if you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real
Coffee...prepare to meet your maker.
thinks that alcohol only hurts me because it loves me.
is dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.
thinks that there has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about.
thinks that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.
Synonym: The word you use when you don't know how to spell the other one.
just ordered his Vuvuzela ringtone.
thinks it doesn't matter whether you win or lose - until you lose.
is not here right now, if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
what I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I do something wrong.
thinks kids are expensive, but you never know when you're gonna need a kidney.
I'm doing something really important right now. I'm spinning in my computer chair, be with you when I can see straight again......"
Dirty boys need to take a shower...dirty girls need to stop thinkin about me while im in there.
I'm in the shower right now. Dont get any ideas, I charge for stuff like that. ;-)
No one dies a virgin... life screws us all!
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
•You can't buy HAPPINESS but you can buy ICE CREAM... that's close enough right?
•Why are you even reading this?
bets that in prison everyone's relationship status is set to "it's complicated".
is as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
is riding a giraffe wearing his underpants and a top hat
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
I don't allow men to smoke in my room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want
is exceptionally frustrated! How can I creep your Facebook page when I have to wade thru your farm, mafia, daily luck, horoscope, quiz results, lover/friend of the day, cafe world, and everything of which you've now become a fan? Make it easy on me people!!!
Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution?
These were great! I'm always getting funny comments! Do you think you could make more?
I luved them all....good work...
Ahahahaha!
Haha! I Loved them all! Might even use one as a status?! :)
Haha! really loved them! thanks..
herez 3 more
1.is off 2 play FOOTY
2.love the lady but dont touch the lady coz u might be the daddy
3.....used the search term “the perfect job for me” on google and it laughed at me.
lol.lmao..this is on point...me like!!!
luvvvvv these.. thank u ...
love it! Really great! Thanks!
Wow this is g8t.
Gonna still s0me
Yoo when its a really bad storm or when its raining really hard everyones status is usually "o its really bad out" or something like that well I always make mine "going for a walk" haha
This stats re amazing i posted on n got 26 comments.
This stats re amazing i posted on n got 26 comments.. Add me on facebook.
Hi everyone...!! These statuses are just amazing..!! Too funny. I liked the frisbee and the puzzle one... I have used them a lot of times as my facebook status...!! Pl. keep posting these funny statuses to your website and i'll keep using them as my status.. Thank ya..!
lol:)
AWESOME
hey!!...Had Fun Reading that..Thx!! c:
Great! Very funny collection!
hap
Haha, published a quite similiar article, you have to check it out. :-)
Wow!awesome work man...I'm totaly impressed...if you don't mind I am going to use some of them...
The 3 best benifits of alzymers is Your always meeting new friends. You can wrap ur own xmas gifts and keep playing hide n seek
nyc ....
i jst cant stop laughing.
ar my stomachs paining.
luv the cdo one using tht one :)
I think these are funny,and I put some of these as my status on facebook,because it got me in a good mood:L and got over 100 likes,theyre all good,well done:) xx
Are good.
Cheers Buddy, Was A Good Laugh To Read :))
Hope You Keep Posting And Keep Us All Laughing Good Job (Y)
ITS TOO GOOD
Thank you, it is really funny.
Brilliant!! Loved them..
i sure needed this, thanks. sincerely... thankyou. hee hee hee.
woowwww loved it speacially the lol one .. ha lol :P x
any new funny status ?
hahaha damn so jealous i didnt come up with these lol
Haha, I like the one that say's "Practice safe lunch, Use a condiment!" :)
There funy nd kute. xD
Veryyy funny , thnx fo it
gud collection
Hope Only I could find these....!! My Frnds caught me for coping these status from here
awsome :)
these atatuss are reli funny..lolest
hahahahahahaha......!!!!
Awesome,too funny*
These are really funny! Great inspiration and a good laugh.
soooooooo funny...
hahahahahahaha
dead
hi love da post
Why do people feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’M GOING TO KILL.. Ah darn he’s under a blanket”
Hey Thanks For The Useful Information. For Those Who Enjoy Statuses On Facebook, We're Just Trying To Make New Status And You Can Also Get Latest Statuses From Facebook Statuses.
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddddddddd all of these o my gosh i just couldnt believe how funny funny funny these were i used almost all of them!!!!!!!! love love love love love love love love love love love xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
If your not supposed to take candy from strangers, then what the hell is Halloween for?
Hahaha dude that was good stuff i want all the ladies in here to grab their bumz for me
Just jokin have a rocking nice day add me add me on FB lekker MF's
this lines are really funny dude!
Ladies!!! Cheating or buying prostitudes which is the better for man
OW! AWESOME.........
i have a good one for u children in back seats makes accident and accidents in back seats make children lol what do u think lol
nice
I can't stop my laugh
speechless!! nothing to say but LOL!!!!!!
nice statuzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Was watching animal planet and saw some polar bears drinking water.. OBVIOUSLY fake we all know they drink coca-cola
its nice dear
need a few better ones!
Rose West Level 3 Commenter 2 years ago
This is funny! You know you've been on fb too long when your own thoughts start sounding like statuses...:)